July 27

Three years ago today I resigned from my first (and only) Senior Pastorate. One year ago I left my first (and only) Associate Pastorate role. Both of these were life changing events. Not just leaving but also being there... Being a pastor was tough. I have more respect for the office of pastor than I ever thought I would.

Leaving the ministry has made me question many things, even the basic tenants of faith. One question I come back to quite frequently is "How could I have been so wrong about my calling?" I was sure I was called into full-time ministry in the United Methodist Church. I also often work myself around to the question "How do I remain faithful to the call of all Christians outside of my perceived calling?" Theologically I believe that all Christians are called to the work and ministry of Christ, but I do not know how to do that outside of what I believed would be my lifetime vocation. Don't get me wrong, I believe that leaving the ministry was the right choice and I would not change that at all. However, I am now faced with a unique set of questions and challenges in regards to what I do for a living and what I do with my education (and possibly even my passion- at one point it was). I love working for the high school. I enjoy being with the kids. I have never had a job that I looked forward to going to as much as this one, but every so often I feel an odd desire start to grow with in me... I want to preach. No, I don't want to be a pastor or even a preacher (yes, there is a big difference). There is nothing as exhilarating as preaching though. How do I work this all out? There is no answer yet. Only time will tell.

So today I will be thinking about the congregations that I was privileged to serve. I will try to see the good instead of the bad. I will try not to question too much. I will try to avoid the "what ifs."