If You Really Must Know...

So, occasionally people say dumb things about other people who happen to have some sort of chronic illness. I am no exception to that. People often subject me to statements that I have to resist the urge to physically respond to. The one that I get most often that I absolutely hate is "You don't seem that sick." (***EYEROLL***) OK. OK. OK. I am not sure how people who are sick are supposed to seem but I have decided to photograph little things in my every day life that are effected by my illness.

It is not uncommon to see this hour or any other when I should be asleep because I am either in pain, nauseated, or have to use the bathroom.

Also, that can sometimes mean that my "night" consisted of a two hour nap and then giving up for the night. Which means I am often tired out of not being well rested and that leads to crankiness.

I can't remember the last time I slept without a barf bucket near by. Sometimes it is just a grocery bag. Other times I have the official pink bucket from the hospital 

 One is for my stomach. The other two are to control my anxiety over being sick (and other things) so my stomach doesn't hurt. 

 This is a must have because I never know when nausea will hit and this will subdue it slightly. Plus if I have to vomit someplace without my toothbrush this gives instant fresh breath. I do slightly panic if I do not have some and need some. I have been known to frantically ask entire rooms of people for mint gum.

I literally pray that there will never be a day that they stop making this drug. It is an anti-nausea medication that melts in your mouth and goes to work in just seconds.

I cannot get enough water, ever. But heaven forbid I take more than a 1/2 swallow sip at a time, lest begins a fresh round of nausea. Back to the gum it can quench thirst in a pinch.

 I have my favorite bathrooms in at least 10 counties already figured out. In emergency situations, I have had to stop less than five minutes from my destination to use the restroom. I have (on more than one occasion) uttered this prayer "Lord, please let this be a single person, relatively clean, with toilet paper bathroom because we both know I can't make it any farther than this."

I have or am trying every homeopathic/alternative treatment on the planet. I apply oils daily on top of prescription medication. 

So, I am sorry that I don't "seem" sick. But my daily life always has an undercurrent of illness. This effects me physically (obviously), but also emotionally, spiritual, relationally, and socially all the time. I have begged God for things to be different. I have cried many tears over it, even today as the prospect of scheduling another surgery becomes more and more of a reality. I don't know how people want me to act. I am doing the best I can with what I have. This is just who I am.