I very rarely right about an individual, actually this may be the first time. However, even though this is atypical, it must be done. I do not understand God's plan in all things. My friend Karen Pose was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Karen has been one of the most loyal, true, caring people in my life. She is extremely talented musically. Her first grandchild is due in the spring. I cannot make sense of the order of things...

Stage IV pancreatic cancer is a one of the worst things you can hear. The prognosis is not good. The statistics are astounding. Karen deserves better than this. She is an amazing person and has loved God her whole life. I cannot make sense of this, so I will do the only thing I know to do: pray.

What is Love?

Shawn and I were trying to work on homework last night, but we are easily distracted by thoughts and discussions about religious things. We were talking about the depth of love God has in order to sacrifice his son. We have such a misconception of love even as Christians. We all know 1st Corinthians 13. But I would like to look at it in a different way.

 Love is patient, even in the face of frustration
love is kind. Even when life and people are unkind.
It does not envy, because it is genuinely happy for other people's blessings.
 it does not boast, even when it has something to boast about
 it is not proud.  It is always humble
It does not dishonor others, it holds people above themselves
 it is not self-seeking, once again humility comes into play
 it is not easily angered,it seeks peace and is even tempered
it keeps no record of wrongs.  It forgives easily and does not hold a grudge.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Even when the truth hurt... 
It always protects, love protects the least, last and lost. Love protects the hearts of those around.
always trusts, even after hurt and betrayal
always hopes, even when things seem hopeless
always perseveres. Love does not quit.
Love never fails

Tipping Point

We all have a tipping point. A moment when things become too much and we must act. Jesus had it too. When Jesus enters the Temple and sees the money changers, his tipping point has been exceeded.

¹² And Jesus entered the temple^[a] and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. ¹³ He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.”

Sometimes in life you have to overturn a few tables and start over. 

Doctrine

I was having a conversation this morning via text with an individual who believes that you can go to heaven by being a good person... I, of course, do not agree with that. However, that is not the point of this. She accused me of holding doctrine too high. Can doctrine be held too high? Probably, if it supersedes scripture or love. I love the rules and explanation of rules that doctrine gives us. I read the UM BoD for enjoyment on more than one occasion. Nonetheless, in this particular discussion I was not holding doctrine too high.

Rules have their place but they must not outrank love. Jesus displayed this for us very clearly. When the woman caught in adultery was brought before the public, the rule or law said to stone her. But the law of love, Christ himself, stepped in and saved her life. If I keep the rules, and have not love I am but a clanging symbol. This does not mean that I do not love doctrine and that doctrine is suddenly not important. It simply means that I must add love to my doctrine.

Perfect Plan

I was reading Joyce Meyer's daily devotional on YouVersion today and it kind of bothered. It was entitled "God's Perfect Plan for You." I love the idea of perfection. I love perfect grades on papers, perfect weather, and perfect pictures. But I am extremely skeptical of there being a "perfect" plan for my life. God's plan may be perfect but because we are imperfect we mess things up. Philippians 1:6 says that the God who began a good work in us will complete it. There may be rocks, bumps, twists, turns, re-navigating and re-planning, but the plan will work. And God's plan is perfect.

Sunday 11-25-12

I received some criticism and push-back after yesterday's post. I would like to apologize if I offended you. I would like to say that even though I am currently trying to move my faith from medicine back to God, doctors are important. I have had some really amazing doctors, nurses, techs, and pharmacists in the past couple years. I think that God thinks doctors are important. For goodness sake, the writer of Luke and Acts was a physician. I was not trying to imply that I thought doctors were a waste of time...

Since we are on the subject of good doctors I thought today would be a great opportunity to thank God for the really stellar doctors I have/ have had. My first surgeon, Dr. Alland, she could not figure out the problem and therefore refused to operate. I appreciated her honesty and candor. She referred me to Dr. Clark, a gastroenterologist. He did multiple procedures in search of a clue, but in the end he passed me on to Dr. Haidor, an infectious disease specialist. Dr. Haidor took an interest in me as a person, not me as a sick person. We talked about my jobs and plans for the future. She frequently inquired about school. Dr. Haidor made me feel like a person not an illness. Unfortunately, she didn't find anything either. At this point, I thought I was crazy, but she reassured me I was not. She said from the blood work I was definitely sick, she just couldn't figure out with what. Shortly after my last appointment with Dr. Haidor, I was in the emergency room... again. This time it was determined that I needed to have an appendectomy. So, Dr. Cava was called in and during the appendectomy/laproscopy he finally discovered the endometriosis and lesions. For that discovery I am FOREVER grateful to Dr. Cava, even though I don't remember ever actually meeting him. I remember his nurse coming for me to sign the paper work and then one of his lackies doing rounds the few days afterward, but never actually him. Sixteen months after my first hospital stay I finally had a real diagnosis, not here is more antibiotics and more pain killers, but here is the root cause. As a general surgeon, he knew he was not equipped to handle my case long term, so I started seeing Dr. Durecki. Dr. Durecki is an odd guy, but I love him. He always had a great story for me, cursing included. I never felt rushed with him and on the day we decided to move forward with the hysterectomy he talked me through the whole process, all my questions and fears for more than an hour and a half. Dr. Cook #2 arrived on the scene at this point, he is one of Dr. Durecki's associates and comes on board for all tricky stuff. He has, by far, the best bedside manner of any doctor I have had. Dr. Stehman has been diligent in helping find a solution. Dr. Brinkman and his associates saw me the first time even though I didn't go to the right office location. I have nothing bad to say about any of the doctors I have had in this whole process. I think they have all been wonderful and have done their very best to get me well. I thank God for each and every one of them.

While I am on the subject of thanking medical professionals, I would like to pause for two nurses, one tech, and one pharmacist. The first nurse I had the first night I stayed at Parkview was named Cori. She was amazing! She stayed with me and my mom through the worst pain of my life... they didn't know at that point I was allergic to morphine so I was in pain and having a reaction to the pain medicine simultaneously. As my mom stood on one side of the bed with my head buried in her chest, Cori stood behind me rubbing my back and reassuring both my mom and me that I would be okay. The next time I stayed at Parkview, she saw my name on the board and switched patients to be with me again. I cannot tell you how much that has meant to me. She switched out an easier patient for me. I say easier because at the time I had C-Diff so she had to get all suited up before coming into my quarantined room and then get unsuited and extra sterilized when leaving. She was awesome! The second nurse was Nancy the singing night nurse. Nancy sang everything she ever said to me. I had her several nights/early mornings in a row. She was just hilarious. Now I feel bad, because I cannot remember this tech's name for the life of me... but when I was having to have blood drawn daily at Parkview the spring of 2011, he took my blood almost every time. He also began to truly know who I was. On Thursdays, he would ask me about school, because I had just got back from seminary in Marion. On Mondays, he would ask about how church was and whether or not I got to preach. I truly appreciate that he took more time to get to know me than he did to take my blood. Last, but certainly not least... my pharmacist friend, Cindy Gackenheimer. Cindy has known me my whole life, but it is always nice to be able to ask medical questions to someone you truly trust and love. She has walked this whole journey with me and for that I am eternally grateful.

I thank God regularly for these individuals, there calling, commitment and dedication. Each of them have played or are playing an important role in my overall health. I do not for one second believe that I met any of them by chance or because of medical error. I believe God ordained my meetings with each. I appreciate the medical field greatly and am truly sorry if it did not seem that way yesterday. I would also like to mention that I have never felt closer to God than I did during my first stay at Parkview. Laying in that hospital bed made me dependent on him in ways that I never was before. Yesterday, I was merely stating that I have lost my dependency on Him and begun to rely strictly on medicine. I believe that it must be both and. To God be the glory.

PS. One month until Christmas!!!

Faith and Medicine

I take one of my medications in rounds. I know every time that the next round starts I will feel pretty bad for a few days... I swallow a horse pill of poison trying to make myself well. Last night, when I took my pill I wondered if I had too much faith in medicine instead of taking medicine even though I have faith in God. As I though about it, the answer was clear. I somehow have gotten to the point where the pills represent good counts, better kidney function and a promise to be returned to full health.  In reality it doesn't necessarily mean any of that. My faith in the Healer, the Great Physician are greatly lacking. We are quickly approaching the two year anniversary of my first hospital stay for this illness. I was in Parkview during that first stay for six days. I missed my sister getting her PhD. I missed a funeral of someone I loved... and in the intervening two years, more hospital stays and feeling gross I have missed a lot. But that is not my point right now, so rant over about that. Some how in this process of illness all of my faith in God to heal has been moved to faith in man and medicine. I can't even remember the last time I prayed about something not feeling right before seeking out the counsel of one of my doctors. There is a part of me who, falsely, believed that I could fix this through the earthly wisdom of doctors. Medicine or no medicine, better or not better is all in His hands. Sometimes healing doesn't mean getting well here on earth. Sometimes it means surrendering and living out all of your days whether it is one day or ten thousand days. It is hard no to want to control everything, but there is no way to control my health-- the past two years have proved that. The only thing I can control from here on out is whether or not I will trust God and surrender my health and all that entails (including my very life) to Him.

Last Thanksgiving Thought

For the faithful readers, you may have thought that I neglected someone to be thankful for; however, I really chose to give him a full day: Mr. Bennett, Baby B. Netto, Baby Boy... Bennett Alexander Fry, my nephew, was born June 2 so this is his first Thanksgiving. The past five and a half months have been extraordinary. He has changed so much. He went from a tiny six pounds smooshy ball of cuddles to an eighteen pound wiggly, smiley, laughing, rolling ball of joy. Bennett has taught me what unconditional love is. He has given me a reason to live when I was ready to give up. He has given me the inspiration and strength I need to get well. Bennett is why I have researched everything I can about what I can do to make my kidneys better. Being an aunt is the coolest, most important thing I have ever done. I am thankful that a life that has barely begun can change a life so much. I am thankful that his parents share him with me. I am extremely grateful that God brought this little man into my life at a point that my heart truly needed him.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving 2012 is nearly over. Our house has just recently emptied out. I realized today that even though this has been a very difficult season I have SO SO SO much to be grateful for. I am thankful that I have a nice house to come home from an awesome job to. I am grateful for a refrigerator full of food, a car full of gas, two dressers full of clothes, money in the bank, and a bathtub for relaxing. But more than all that material stuff... I am extremely thankful for my parents and grandparents, my siblings and their spouses, my aunts and uncles, my cousins and their kids. I am happy that the house was full and loud and kind of out of control. I think that it is awesome that we had great food and lots of laughs. 

Thankful although...

You know my life is not what I planned. I feel like there are very few people that have the life they planned or anticipated. Today, even in the midst of crap, I have found a reason to be extraordinarily thankful: school was cancelled due to fog.

Don't Give Up

Soren Kierkegaard once said, "Never cease loving a person, and never give up on him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low could still be saved." The story of the prodigal son is fairly familiar, but just for posterity's sake, let's look at it.

Luke 15:11-32

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

The prodigal son was full of pride and arrogance. He demanded his share of the inheritance, even though he didn't truly deserve it. He went a squandered his riches and ended up with the pigs. He humbled himself and returned to ask if he could be his father's servant. But the father welcomed him as a son. The faithful brother was angry... but that is not what I want to focus on. I want to focus on the father. The father saw his son a long way off, and saw that he was returning home. He didn't just wait for him to get there. The father ran to the son to hug and kiss him. He was overjoyed with the son returning home. He didn't care about his squandered fortune. All he cared about was that his son was back and safe. The father didn't care about the sins of the son. All the father wanted was to celebrate that his son came  home. 

How often do we just give up on people? How often do we think that the draw of the world has them and so we aren't diligently looking down the lane for them to come back? How often has someone given up on you? Kierkegaard exhorts us to never give up on someone, because they could still be saved at any point.

Carnal Nature of Man

I was talking with a friend who is in seminary currently about the carnal nature of man. A carnal man is one who trusts in his own ability to live a Christian life. These types of individuals have many highs and lows in their spiritual journey. When any of us fall into the temptation to live out of our carnal nature we begin displaying certain characteristics: loss of love for God and for others, poor prayer life, no desire for Bible study, legalistic attitude, impure thoughts and actions, guilt, worry, frustration, aimlessness, a critical spirit and others. All of those sound pretty yucky.

What leads to this position in life? A carnal Christian did at one point have an abundant, fruitful life, but something made them cynical and unsure of the power of God. These individuals have forgotten the power, love and forgiveness of God. When they are in the mode of being able to live a spirit-filled life without the empowering of Christ they cannot understand themselves. Because they cannot understand themselves they often do things that they do not wish to do, while being unable to do the things they would really like to do. They want to do right but fail.

I am guilty. My faith in my own ability to do right is often greater than my faith in anything else. This always leads to frustration. It also leads to guilt, shame, broken relationships and general heartache. I must return to a place of dependency on the power of Christ to sustain me.

Thoughtless

I am struggling with something to write about today. I just don't have a lot to say right now. I feel like I do not have a thought in my head. I am thoughtless today. My mind is void of anything of substance. I think this is a reflection of how much time I have spent worrying and thinking about stuff over that past 10 days or so. I have thought myself into a place where I no longer have coherent thoughts.

Anxiety

I am an anxious person typically. I even have medication for it. However, I read something profound about the root of anxiety this week. "Anxiety is the natural result when our hopes are centered in anything short of God, and his will for us" Billy Graham. I have concluded from this statement that every time I feel anxious my life is rooted in something other than God. When I feel anxious about a relationship, it probably means that my relationship with God is not where it should be. When I feel anxiety over money, I am probably not trusting God to provide what I need.

Rest and Renewal

I am tired. I am always tired. I am physically exhausted, mentally drained and emotionally spent. I can rest my body and mind some with sleep and lounging. But I need deep rest.... the type of rest that brings true renewal. This type of rest can only come from God. In Matthew 11 Jesus bids us to come. And come we shall if we choose to pick the only person who can give us rest.

Gratitude

Last night at Bible Study we talked about gratitude. It is fitting because last night was our last meeting prior to Thanksgiving. As I thought about it, there really are a lot of things that I am very grateful for (and I will get to that in just a second). I was reminded of the FREEDOM FIGHTER acronym again. The T is for Thankful Attitude. An attitude of gratitude will get us further in life than being a grouch. I cannot let busyness stop a thankful thought. Gratitude brings us closer to Christ and to others. We must thank those who have helped us on our journey. Being thankful is not a feeling it is a choice. We are blessed beyond measure, we should be grateful.

So what specifically am I feeling grateful for today?
Bennett
Stacey and Jason
Jessi and Lizzy
My parents
Friends
Grace
Epworth Forest
Hugs
Art
Music
Books
A great education
Ink pens
Indian Food

And the list could go on and on... but often times it is the small things that make life the best.

One thing

As most of you know, music speaks to me in very deep ways. This song has been really ministering to me over the past couple of weeks.

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains

Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me x3
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsty.com/jesus-culture-one-thing-remains-lyrics.html ]
On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains

In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love
My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

I hope these words struck a deep chord with you as they have with me.

Evolution of Relationship

I have been contemplating the life of Judas the past few days. He went from someone unknown, doing his own thing, to being called by Jesus to be one of His disciples. Judas was from the southern region of Judea, possibly near Hebron (Luke 6). Jesus had to have known that Judas would at some point betray Him and called him anyway (John 6:70-71). Yet, Jesus never treated him any differently (Luke 22:47). He would have probably even called Judas a friend. Judas would have traveled all over with Jesus and the disciples. Judas was trusted. Then in Matthew 26 the relationship begins to really evolve, not necessarily for the good. Judas agrees to betray Jesus. However, Jesus still loves him through the last supper. As Jesus prayed in the garden for his life to be spared, Judas comes kisses him and hands him over to. Eventually the guilt of his transgression is too much for Judas to live with and he kills himself. He could have repented. Jesus did not condemn Judas (Acts 1:25).

What have I pulled out of this for my life? Relationships change, but grace and forgiveness are always an option. Jesus loves me no matter how vile my sins are. Jesus did not let a traitor stop Him from doing the will of God and I shouldn't let rejection, hurt feelings, or my own sin stop me from repentance and walking in the will of God.

I'm Back

Sometimes you just need some time away and then your realize what to do. I should not stop blogging because it forces me to think about God in some way every day. I need to put myself in the means of grace as much as possible and currently this blog serves as one... so I am back and will try to see this thru to the end of the challenge.

129

129 posts... just a smidge over a third of the way to the goal, and I quit. This is officially my last daily post. Why am I quitting? I have lots of reasons, but the main one is my heart is broken beyond recognition and I do not want to try to make a religious post every day. My life is hard and crappy enough without more hard crappy stuff in it. Thank you to those who faithfully read. I am sorry my sadness has made me a quitter, but I can't keep going with this blog. 

Jonah and I

In Jonah 4, Jonah spends a lot of time complaining about his lot and life. He sums it up with these words, "It is better for me to die than to live!" Life and the repentance of the Ninevites was so painful to Jonah that he would rather die than think about it. I feel like there are points in each person's life that are so painful physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually that we think it would be easier to just die than live. I would even say that emotional pain brings that point of desperation quicker than anything else.

The Lord responds to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry?" God asks questions because they reveal our heart. It also puts us in proper perspective with God; He has every right to ask us any question and we owe him an answer. The question should be answered, "No. Lord. All your ways are right even if I don't understand them." However, Jonah was mad. Additionally, so am I a lot of the time. Jonah was mad because he did what God asked of him and he didn't get the result that he wanted. I am mad for similar reasons. I can do everything the right way and do my best to keep peace, yet I am still the one people have a problem with.


At the end of the book, Jonah had given up, separated himself from others, and became a spectator. The last words of Jonah are, "It is right for me to be angry, even to death!" These are also the words that I currently feel. Luckily for Jonah and me, God had more to say even after angry pronouncements. God's mercy and compassion still works.

My Opinion

The election has brought out the worst in a lot of people, to some degree myself included. I have been enraged by some of the comments people on Facebook made. As a pacifist, I did not vote. I am neither happy nor disappointed in the results. I am however extremely disappointed by people who say hurtful things in public forums.

Romans 13:1-2 "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.  Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment." The elected officials were put in place by God. Period, end of story. 

While I am on my soap box, I feel compelled to say this... I am a Christian who believes in marriage equality and the words spoken against homosexuality during this season by brothers and sisters in Christ hurt our witness across the board. Homosexuality is only mentioned twice in the New Testament and never by Christ himself. It is also mentioned both times in lists of sins including, but not limited to, fornicators (anyone who had premarital sex), idolators, people who curse, liars, thieves, greedy, and people who do not practice sound doctrine. When the government starts writing legislature about cursing then they can legislate marriage. 

On the flip side the word love is in the New Testament 232 times and, depending on translation 51 of those times were out of the mouth of Christ. Shouldn't love be our goal?

Acting out of Excellence

Last year I read the book Unbinding Your Heart. I was challenged to go past my comfort zone and tell my stories of faith. I also learned about the importance of the Trinity of Relationships and how my prayers, presence and witness affect the world. I asked myself "now what?" My question was answered in Matthew 18: 18-20. The key verses are 19 and 20 which reads, 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Jesus last words in the gospel of Matthew are just as true today for me as they were for them then.  I should be moved to action.


Well,I'm  not on a mountain in Galilee, but I do believe that the risen Christ is here with me in this place as a spiritual reality not seen or heard through my physical senses—but here nonetheless. And so I worship him. I lay myself before Him in awe and wonder. I adore Him and honor Him. And yes, I may doubt. And that’s okay because I learn from Matthew’s gospel that following Christ is always a matter of “little faith.” It’s not necessarily an abundant faith or even a perfect faith. And it’s not just intellectual skepticism that marks me; it’s also hesitation—a risky wavering when I'm not exactly sure what to think or to do next. But I worship nonetheless.

And it’s in worship that the risen Christ comes to me and speaks to me: All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me. To put it another way, Jesus Christ is Lord and he claims our undivided allegiance. And then what does he do? He give us a mission: Go therefore and make disciples. Now he doesn’t say Stay therefore and make disciples as if we’re to wait for people to come to us. The word is Go! The Greek literally means as you go— so wherever we go, wherever we are, whatever we’re doing we’re to live in ways that help people follow Jesus—that help people become learners of the way of Jesus.

And we’re to make disciples of all nations.This is our purpose, we are not here by accident. Does this mean that we all have to become foreign missionaries? I don’t think so. But it does imply that our outreach is to people who are different than we are. You’ve heard the old expression Birds of a feather flock together. Well, not so for the followers of Jesus Christ. We’re to be a diverse group—not a homogeneous group. We’re commanded to reach out to all people—not just to those who are like us. And how are we to make disciples? We’re to baptize them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Baptism marks us as disciples of Jesus Christ and baptism is a sign that we are immersed in the very nature and character of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

And we are to teach the disciples of Jesus Christ to obey all that Jesus commanded—not just some of what he commanded—but all that he commanded—the easy parts and the hard parts alike. This is not a pick and choose sort of discipleship. The teachings of Jesus are far too important for that. In fact, Matthew portrays Jesus as the New Moses—the authoritative teacher and interpreter of Torah. And it’s noteworthy that it’s only at the end of his gospel that Matthew finally has Jesus authorize his followers to teach. Prior to this point, the disciples are called to preach, to heal and to cast out demons—but it is only here at the end of the gospel after the resurrection that they are commissioned to teach. Teaching is this important to the life of the church! It’s critical to who we are and to our mission in the world. And yes, we need teachers! And then the risen Christ says: And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age. Thanks be to God!, we are not alone in fulfilling our mission. Christ is with us.

So what are we to do with all of this? Well, there are many things to do, but let me give but one example. Bill Hybels tells this story in his book Just Walk Across the Room.

Pastor Hybels once attended a luncheon at which he met an African-American man with a clearly Muslim name from the south. As you might imagine, this man’s circumstances often made for an uncomfortable existence. He told Bill Hybels this story that day:

“It hasn’t been an easy go,” he said. “As you might imagine, I’ve had a lot of struggles in social settings. And in my profession we have a lot of cocktail parties and other evening events.

The natural pattern for me is to show up fashionably late, graciously accept a drink and something to eat, and throw my efforts into trying to make some business connections. Inevitably, I wind up standing alone, stuck against a wall or isolated in a corner….

“One night, I was at this party. As usual, I noticed several small circles of people
forming to chat about this or that. I wasn’t included, but again, I’ve become accustomed to the scenario.

“At one point, I saw a man on the other side of the room engrossed in discussion with a few people of his own kind, if you will. Suddenly, he looked away from that particular group and noticed me standing alone by the far wall….He extricated himself from his conversational clique, walked clear across the room, stuck out his hand to me, and introduced himself….

“In the moments that followed, we talked about our mutual profession, about our families and business and sports. Eventually our conversation found its way to issues of faith. I took a risk in telling him that I was a Muslim….He told me that he was a Christ-follower but that, truth be told, he knew almost nothing about Islam. You can imagine my surprise when he asked if I would do him the courtesy of explaining the basics of Islam over a cup of coffee sometime….He said he was a curious type and genuinely wanted to understand my faith….

“The next time we met, whatever doubts I had about him truly wanting to hear my beliefs were quickly dispelled. He really sought to understand my life and faith. We began meeting almost weekly, and each time I sat across from him, I was stunned by what an engaged and compassionate listener he was.

“One week, I even took the opportunity to ask him about his beliefs….When the tables
were turned and I was on the receiving end of his faith story, he patiently described why he’d given his whole life to this person named Jesus Christ. I couldn’t believe how easily the conversations evolved—and how respectfully and sensitively he conveyed his love of God.

Despite our deep-seated religious differences, we were becoming fast friends.
It went on this way for some time as we’d meet to hash through nuances of our faith
experiences. Sometimes he would ask for a couple of days to find answers to my questions; other times, he knew exactly where I was struggling and seemed to have the perfect words to untangle my confusion. There finally came a day—I remember being home alone when this happened—that I felt totally compelled to pray to God. I knelt beside my bed, told God everything I was feeling, and in the end gave my life to Christ. And in the space of about a week, that single decision changed everything in my world! Every single thing.” (Hybels, Bill. Just Walk Across the Room. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006, pages 20-22.)

This story illustrates a few really important things.

1. the person that we may need to reach the most could be in the room with us (as I look at a room full of 15-18 year olds I am sure there are a few that I should be reaching), wherever we go for lunch, or in our place of employment.

2. Go to where people are comfortable. These men were talking over coffee. Sometimes you will have to have people over to your homes, go out for coffee, grab a bite to eat, walk around the mall... evangelism happens outside of the church.

3. We have to be involved. Going out into the world takes more than talking.

4. We must seek to understand before we seek being understood. This relationship was not started with the idea of converting someone, but to understand. We have all heard the statement no cares how much you know until they know how much you care... and its true.

5. Sometimes are work is just seed planting. A good friend of mine talks a lot about seeds because sometimes I am more worried about roots. But we see here that this gentleman accepted Christ in the privacy of his own home, not with the man he had been sharing coffee with.

We must act out of the excellence of the great commission. To do this we must keep moving forward and do something like new like we have never before. We need to go the extra mile beyond all expectations. I am reminded of the scripture where Christ encourages us to be perfect as he is perfect or some translations say be holy as I am holy. Holiness and perfection only come from excellence and action.Now what was my question? It is time for me to walk fully in the freedom of following Christ instead of relying on the quick fix buzz of motion and people pleasing. It is time for us to Go into all nations...

Not Uninformed

I have caught a lot of flack in the past few weeks over the fact that I have not voted, did not vote today, and will not ever vote. People assume that this is an uniformed choice or that I am just lazy and don't care to make the effort to do vote. Some even assume that it is ignorant not to vote. However, my right not to vote is a very conscious decision.

I am a nonresistant pacifist. I do not believe I should vote. I do not believe there is such a thing as just war; therefore I will not vote for people who continue to send young men and women to war.  I refuse to take part in politics at any level because it would be hypocritical. I am a conservative in my theology, but liberal in my political thought. I believe in the sanctity of life, while also not feeling like outlawing abortion will fix anything. I also believe that those who claim to be pro-life when it comes to an infant and yet are pro-death penalty are crazy. Either you believe in all life or no life. I do not believe in protesting. I think the key to spreading the gospel is peace and social justice. Violence only begets violence. Peace begets peace.

I am a deontologist. (My ethical code, which is mostly duty bound.) As such, I am a moral absolutist. Things are clearly right or wrong, black or white. It does not matter what the intentions are if it wrong it is wrong. People will say that voting is my duty. That it is right to vote. Well, I do not agree. Voting is a privilege that I could partake in if I chose to. Voting is not my duty. My duty is to serve the Almighty God and submit to His prompting and my understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ. Although I cannot bring a specific scripture to my decision not to vote, I do have several that helped me make the decision. 1. Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God." 2. John 14:27 "My peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" I do not feel peace about voting. 3. Romans 13:1 "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God." The governing authority has already been appointed by God and I have already chosen to submit to it. 4. Psalm 146:3 "Put not your hope in princes." 

I have respected everyone who has posted on Facebook or had conversations about voting. You all have the right to do so. Why can't people respect my abstaining from the vote? I do not care who gets elected today. I will pray for them faithfully until their term concludes and, yes, that includes local politicians and school board as well.  I will submit to the governing authority, as is the scriptural mandate. I will not complain about the government.

So, as many of you go out and vote your convictions, please remember some of us that do not vote are also following our convictions.

Infallible and Inerrant

I believe the Bible is infallible. Simply put I believe that it is completely true. It cannot lie, mislead, or disappoint. I also believe the Bible is inerrant- error free except in mistakes of translation. The Word in the original languages is perfect. That being said I am having a particularly difficult time believing a specific scripture today. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says that God will not give me more than I can handle. I feel like I have more than I can handle right now. He must think my shoulders are much larger than they feel like they are. I don't understand.

Wrong heart

Right answers + wrong heart = outside of the will and way of God.

I know a lot of right answers. I have read many books and studied a wide variety of things... however, my heart is still so wrong. Right answers just means that I believe a good theology; it does not mean that I live a good theology. I have been feeling convicted about this for a few days, but last night at church the conviction went a different route. I am lost. I know the answers to be found but do not have the surrender ability to get myself there, if that makes any sense at all.

Right answers cannot bring salvation. A right heart and a right relationship is what brings salvation. A heart oriented towards the love of God and love of neighbor. A contrite heart asking for forgiveness and accepting grace brings the person back into right relationship with God. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my identity and trust and future are in Christ. I do not know how to get that knowledge from my head to my heart.

A few days ago I wrote about Holiness Creedalism, which is where this all started. Today, I want to quote a section from Drury's book about it.


"A few have gone off on the tangent of "holiness creedalism." They emphasize"understanding" and "accepting" correct holiness doctrine, more than experiencing complete sanctification. "protecting our heritage" may become a fetish with them,; and they are fastidious about "checking out what these new people believe about holiness." They may jealously claim they belong to the only true holiness group and may reject as heresy any thought which disagrees with their firm position.

Holiness creedalism sets in when a person discovers that his daily life does not measure up to his beliefs. His head is right, but his heart is not. His first inclination is to become a seeker, "going on" toward what he believes in or once had. But that would require confessing need, something pride keeps him from doing.

The second option is to dwell on the "head knowledge" side of holiness, engaging in preserving the doctrine, hairsplitting debates, technical studies, and checking out others' beliefs on the subject. Such a person will seldom talk about his daily walk in holiness. He avoids descriptions of inner sin like pride, envy, jealousy, impure thoughts, selfish ambition, bitterness, holding grudges, malice, sinful anger, materialism, and self-will. He knows, too well, that his heart is generously endowed with some of these. He becomes more concerned with doctrinal purity than heart purity."
 
I have emphasized understanding in every area of my life. I have sought answers for questions for which faith must me applied. I have been more interested in proving people theologically wrong or crushing them with rhetoric than being a woman after the heart of God. I know ALL too well that my daily life will never live up to the core of my beliefs. I feel completely unable to surrender or confess all the hurt that is in my heart. I dwell firmly in the head knowledge of holiness... I want to move away from just doctrinal purity and add heart purity to my life.

Pastor Matt was preaching about outreach last night... about seeking the lost, about leading them to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. All of that is crucial, but all I could think about was how I can't even figure out how to maintain a relationship with Christ. How in the world can I seek the lost? I feel lost myself. God feels far away. I am hurt, confused, angry and frustrated. Dawn said (and she is right) that I just need to surrender. If only I found surrender something I was able to easily do.

David's Cry

Today I have been thinking about David. At the depth of his sin, confronted by Nathan he penned the words to Psalm 51... create in me a clean heart. In times of struggle, I don't typically run to God asking to be cleansed. I typically avoid all things godly.

Don't Stop Believin'

I love Journey and this morning "Don't Stop Believin'" played and I thought about how true that statement is. Belief is important. Hebrews 13:5 says that God will never leave or forsake me. God's promises never fail and they are always present to the believer. Therefore, I should never stop believing in them.

Holiness Creedalism

I was having a conversation with a current MDIV student at Wesley Seminary about holiness. We were talking about things that keep us from true holiness (he is reading Holiness for Ordinary People by Keith Drury, which I read several years ago). There are many road blocks to holiness and sanctification including legalism, emotionalism and pietism. However, for this I am going to be addressing holiness creedalism.

Those, including myself, who fall into this holiness creedalism trap emphasize correct doctrine more than experiencing grace. The problem with correct doctrine and creedalism is that it sets me up to discover daily how much I fail to live up to the doctrine I believe in. The head is right, but the heart is so wrong. The draw, instead of repenting and receiving grace, is to dwell on the head knowledge, engage in preserving the doctrine which is held dear, debate the minutia, and being a technical scholar. These pursuits lead to only concern for the doctrinal purity but leaves heart purity to the wayside.

As a person who is tempted to walk the path of holiness creedalism, I know all too well that my heart has inner sins, specifically anger and bitterness. I know that I cannot live up to the creeds and doctrine to the fullest extent. My concern must go beyond right beliefs (which are important) to a life of obedience (which is more important). I must move from a place of right answers to a place where my heart is full of grace and love.