Deepest Hurt

I was reading a devotional last night (I am trying to go through a Lenten devotional but I am not good at doing it everyday...) and one of the questions posed at the end of the reading was "What is your deepest hurt?" Well, like any normal person several things came to my mind. However, my very defensive personality began to rear it's ugly head. Questions like "Why is that any of this dumb devotional's business?" and "What difference does it make?" began to push through the thoughts of hurt.

This defensive tactic made me think of something that was said to me many years ago. I was in college when someone had the audacity to say to me, "Anger is a secondary emotion; it is always rooted in something else, usually hurt." I did not like that statement then and, surprisingly enough, I do not like it now. Why can't anger be the primary emotion? Why do we have to have hurt to have anger? Why do my deepest hurts cause anger? How do I let go of both the hurt and the anger?

Back to the original question: What is your deepest hurt? I do not enjoy the question. I think it is yucky. It is thought provoking, emotion provoking and just plain hard to look at. It made me think of a sermon that I gave at Wheatland Avenue three or four years ago. I said something profound (which was only of God because I did not truly know it then nor have I truly begun to understand it even yet), "It is in the midst of our deepest hurt and deepest need Christ shows up... to Thomas he gives belief in place of doubt, to Mary he gives life instead of death, to the disciples on the road to Emmaus he gives vision instead of confusion, and to you and I he gives hope in the place of despair and hurt." Now I believe that that was true when I said it and it is still true now, but how do I actualize it? How can it become reality in my life?

These questions beg another: If the incarnate Christ were to physically manifest himself in my life right now, what would he touch first? The disciples did not specifically ask for clarity; Thomas did not ask for belief. Jesus knew what the needed and met there deepest need with his a single touch. He is aware of my (and your) deepest hurts and needs even more than I am (you are). So what would he want to do with someone like me?