This Road I Walk

As a musician, music speaks volumes to me. I love not only the actual notes and rhythms but the word pictures that are painted through the poetry set to those notes and rhythms. There is always a few songs in that I could listen to over and over again. Right now they are Whom Shall I Fear (which I have already written about), I Come Broken (which I have already written about) and Help Me Find It... 

I don't know where to go from here It all used to seem so clear I'm finding I can't do this on my own 
I don't know where to go from here As long as I know that You are near I'm done fighting I'm finally letting go 
I will trust in You You've never failed before I will trust in You 

[Chorus:] If there's a road I should walk Help me find it If I need to be still Give me peace for the moment Whatever Your will Whatever Your will Can you help me find it Can you help me find it 

I'm giving You fear and You give faith I giving you doubt You give me grace For every step I've never been alone 
Even when it hurts, You'll have Your way Even in the valley I will say With every breath You've never let me go 
I will wait for You You've never failed before I will wait for You 

[Chorus] 

I lift my empty hands (come fill me up again) Have Your way my King (I give my all to You) I lift my eyes again (Was blind but now I see) 'Cause You are all I need

[Chorus] 

Life is hard! Even on good days, life is just tough and it hurts. This road I walk is full of the unknown currently. I find myself asking God to help me find the path that I am supposed to walk. I also need a lot of peace and grace for each moment. 

Through Magic Eyes

Lewis Smede opens his book Forgive and Forget with a fable about seeing through magic eyes:


"In the village of Faken in innermost Friesland there lived a long thin baker name Fouke, a righteous man, with a long thin chin and a long thin nose. Fouke was so upright that he seemed to spray righteousness from his thin lips over everyone who came near him; so the people of Faken preferred to stay away. 

Fouke's wife, Hilda, was short and round, her arms were round, her bosom was round, her rump was round. Hilda did not keep people at bay with righteousness; her soft roundness seemed to invite them instead to come close to her in order to share the warm cheer of her open heart.

Hilda respected her righteous husband, and loved him too, as much as he allowed her; but her heart ached for something more from him than his worthy righteousness. 

And there, in the bed of her need, lay the seed of sadness. 

One morning, having worked since dawn to knead his dough for the ovens, Fouke came home and found a stranger in his bedroom lying on Hilda's round  bosom. 

Hilda's adultery soon became the talk of the tavern and the scandal of the Faken congregation. Everyone assumed that Fouke would cast Hilda out of his house, so righteous was he. But he surprised everyone by keeping Hilda as his wife, saying he forgave her as the Good Book said he should. 

In his heart of hearts, however, Fouke could not forgive Hilda for bringing shame to his name. Whenever he thought about her, his feelings toward her were angry and hard; he despised her as if she were a common whore. When it came right down to it, he hated her for betraying him after he had been so good and so 
faithful a husband to her. 

He only pretended to forgive Hilda so that he could punish her with his righteous mercy. 

But Fouke's fakery did not sit well in heaven. 

So each time that Fouke would feel his secret hated toward Hilda, an angel came to him and dropped a small pebble, hardly the size of a shirt button, into Fouke's heart. Each time a pebble dropped, Fouke would feel a stab of pain like the pain he felt the moment he came on Hilda feeding her hungry heart from a 
stranger's larder. 

Thus he hated her the more; his hate brought him pain and his pain made him hate. 

The pebbles multiplied. And Fouke's heart grew very heavy with the weight of them, so heavy that the top half of his body bent forward so far that he had to strain his neck upward in order to see straight ahead.

Weary with hurt, Fouke began to wish he were dead. 

The angel who dropped the pebbles into his heart came to Fouke one night and told him how he could be healed of his hurt. 

There was one remedy, he said, only one, for the hurt of a wounded heart. Fouke would need the miracle of the magic eyes. He would need eyes that could  look back to the beginning of his hurt and see his Hilda, not as a wife who betrayed him, but as a weak woman who needed him. Only a new way of looking at things 
through the magic eyes could heal the hurt flowing from the wounds of yesterday. 

Fouke protested. "Nothing can change the past," he said. "Hilda is guilty, a fact that not even an angel can change." 

"Yes, poor hurting man, you are right," the angel said. "You cannot change the past, you can only heal the hurt that comes to you from the past. And you can heal it only with the vision of the magic eyes." 

"And how can I get your magic eyes?" pouted Fouke. 

"Only ask, desiring as you ask, and they will be given you. And each time you see Hilda through your new eyes, one pebble will be lifted from your aching heart." 

Fouke could not ask at once, for he had grown to love his hatred. But the pain of his heart finally drove him to want and to ask for the magic eyes that the angel had promised. So he asked. And the angle gave. 

Soon Hilda began to change in front of Fouke's eyes, wonderfully and mysteriously. He began to see her as a needy woman who loved him instead of a wicked woman who betrayed him. 

The angel kept his promise; he lifted the pebbles from Fouke's heart, one by one, though it took a long time to take them all away. Fouke gradually felt his heart grow lighter; he began to walk straight again, and somehow his nose and his chin seemed less thin and sharp than before. He invited Hilda to come into his heart again, and she came, and together they began again a journey into their second season of humble joy."

This is a powerful allegory of how hurt, hatred and unforgiveness weigh us down one tiny pebble at at time. Becoming aware of the pebbles in our heart allows us the opportunity to ask for them to be removed instead of being weighed down indefinitely with a cause we couldn't recognize. 

Kathryn asked me Friday if I had less pebbles since the last time we had met. And I gave her every answer. Yes, no, maybe, I don't know... Then settled on this answer, "I am more aware of the pebbles." Being aware of the stones in my heart helps me identify them and work to remove them. Some, of course, are only removed by God's hand. While others, can be plucked out myself. And others yet are being removed by those around me. Naming the pebbles can be quite challenging. Some of them have grown roots. Some are large stones and one is a large stone with roots that wrap around me so tightly I cannot identify the end, yet. 

My life is changing. The pain and weights of my past are slowly, but surely, coming loose. Yesterday at church, after Shawn preached, I was overcome with emotion (not my favorite thing). I am astounded that God would call someone as broken and messed up as me to serve His Kingdom. I am shocked that God still wants to work on me even though so much needs to be different. I am surprised that Amy and Michelle were there surrounding me with love and prayers as I walked through some thoughts and feelings and struggles of letting my life be changed... I am not having an easy time explaining myself right now and for that I do apologize. What I guess I am trying to say is that God desires to remove all the junk from our hearts, making us light and free, whole and complete in Him. But in order to do this we must make a decision to change, ask to be changed and then live the decision daily. It isn't likely to happen all at once. It is likely to hurt like crazy and take a really long time, but it will be worth it. 

A Year Later

A year ago today I had a hysterectomy. At the time there weren't tons of emotions about all of it; I was so sick I had to do go through with it in order to get well. Now, a year later, I am sad. I am sad that another human, my child, will not grow inside me, that I will not give birth, that I will never nurse my infant, that my husband won't get to cut the umbilical cord, that we won't get to hear a heart beat or see tiny toes on an ultrasound machine. I would even go a step farther and say that I am grieving the fact that I will never be a biological mother. It hurts. And it hurts in ways that I can't explain or express.

What makes this pain worse is that everyone around me is having kids. If I counted correctly nearly 50 of my Facebook friends either have a baby under the age of one or are currently pregnant. Some of them even fall into both categories! I am happy that people are having families, truly. I am not happy that my wall is inundated with pictures of cute bundles of smooshy newborn awesomeness.

Last Thursday, I was holding my nephew Bennett (whom I love more than anything on the planet and has exponentially increased my understanding of unconditional love) and my heart ached a bit. No matter how much I love him, how often I see him... he will never be mine. I was holding him and leaning towards him so he would lean towards me and make our foreheads touch and it was so cute and loving. However, at the same time it also made something inside of me hurt and long for a baby of my own. Yes, I may be able to adopt at some point but the likelihood of getting an infant from the very beginning is HIGHLY unlikely. (especially being single, the income I have, the age I am and all of the other crap...)

People say the most ridiculous, insensitive crap to me about not having children like:

Well you aren't that much of a kid person anyway. You like babies but not really kids so much...
At least you can enjoy sleeping in...
You can travel whenever you want...
You just aren't meant to be a mom...

Those are all stupid. I love babies and I would love my own kid even when they were in fifth grade. I would trade sleeping in for a child 1000% of the time. Traveling alone... so much fun! Traveling is definitely better than having an infant... how is that supposed to make me feel better? And I am not meant to be a mom. Well thanks for the vote of confidence jackass.

My inability to have a baby makes me feel isolated and alone. Babies are everywhere. Everyone I eat lunch with is a mother, nearly everyone I work with a parent, all my friends basically have at least one kid.

I feel ashamed and like damaged goods. I don't want to date or get married because I can never give someone a child. I am not whole. I am the end of my family lineage and I don't want that to be true for my hypothetical husband. 

I feel angry about my body betraying me. I write all this not for sympathy or comments. But to say when I want to be alone today. I don't want some feel good statement. I don't want a Bible verse. I want to be left alone in my grief and heartache, while you go give your kids a hug.

Humans Act Like Cats

Last night I was talking to my friend, Keenan, and she said the profound statement, "we act like cats; we have shit and we bury it." How true is that!? There is crap in all of our lives. Stuff that is hard, hurts or is sometimes just plain embarrassing and we spend a great deal of time, effort and energy keeping people from realizing that there is anything wrong at all. We go through life with a fake smile telling the everyone who asks that we are fine.

Five years ago I preached a sermon on the word 'fine.' And how it really means Feelings I'm Not Expressing. How often do you say fine just to shut the other person up? Or because you don't want to talk about how you are really doing? The word 'fine' buries the crap just a little deeper.

We also hide our junk from ourselves... well, kind of. We ignore, bury it with food, numb it with drugs, medicated it with anti-anxiety pills, or try to sleep it away. But just like a litter box has to be emptied, the crap in life has to be dealt with at some point. 

Students Question God Part 7

Seeing how seven is the number of completion, I am going to complete this series today. My final questions from students have to do with worship and church.

Is it wrong to worship God out of fear as a child or should you wait until you find a true reason to believe and worship?

Does God believe that you have to go to church to believe in him?

Can you believe in God and not go to church every week? How important is church attendance anyway?

I do not think we should worship God out of fear as a child or at any other point. We should worship out of reverence and because He alone is worthy of our worship.

You don't have to go to church to believe in God. HOWEVER, fellowship with the body and corporate worship are very important to the life of a true believer. I do not think that God is taking attendance on Sundays but I do think our spiritual growth is hindered when we are not with the body of Christ.

My students have asked some good questions and I am proud of them for wanting to know more about God. Beliefs are one of the hardest things to work out as an adolescent and my prayer is that each one with find the Way.

Students Question God Part 6

Do you believe in a literal heaven and hell?

Simply stated, yes. Yes I do believe in a literal heaven and a literal hell. I believe that the concepts of heaven and hell are clearly in scripture and that is enough for me.

Students Question God Part 5

I am going to conclude this week with a question from a freshman girl that is where I think a lot of kids struggle with God.

What's the main difference between being spiritual and being religious?

Spirituality does not have a deity behind it. Spirituality turns to pat answers like, "I believe there is a higher power." or "I am one with myself." Being spiritual is a very New Age concept. Spirituality is a very universal concept that if you are good then you will go to heaven... redemption isn't necessary.

Being religious means that you have submitted your life to God (whether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or even Hindu; however I will be speaking about Christianity for my purpose). A religious person knows that the "higher power" is God and he is the Creator. Religious people have been on the planet since the beginning of time: Adam, Eve, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and the list could go on. A religious person knows that their redemption was bought at a price.

Those things being said, neither one of those categories can save a person. The only thing that will save is the surrendering of our lives to the will and purpose of God through the redemption of our sins by Jesus Christ. Quite honestly being religious is about following rules and often turns people into pious gas bags of condemnation and judgement. But spirituality isn't enough either. So I am going to go with following Christ and doing my best to keep myself on the straight and narrow.

Students Question God Part 4

Theodicy. This is not an easy topic to approach no matter what the age of your audience. However, the question of evil came up more than once:

-Why does God allow all of the suffering on earth? Is God angry or disappointed in man? If He is, is it just time for the rapture?
-Why is there so much crap in the world?
-Why can't God get rid of all the evil and temptation or just the devil?

These are great questions without great answers. Theodicy, the problem of evil, has intrigued many theologians and philosophers for thousands of years. If God is love then why doesn't he act out of love to "rescue" us from bad things? If God is all-powerful, why doesn't he use his power to stop evil in the world? If God is both love and all-powerful, what is he doing with all of his love and power while the we here on earth suffer? We obviously cannot make God the author of evil or else he isn't all good. But if he is not the author of evil in means that he is not the creator of all things.

Here is the bottom line of this argument: we live in a fallen world. God cannot get rid of the devil because the Lucifer was one of his angels that chose to go astray. This set a course into motion that has to be seen to the end. God doesn't make things happen, but He does allow them. We have been promised that God works ALL things together for good for those who love him... I have a hard time believing that but God promised it so it must be true. I don't know if God is angry or disappointed. Being outside of time he sees how everything will be put together in the end... so perhaps He gets to skip some of the harder emotions that accompany the suffering here on earth. However, I would like to believe that He is sitting in the midst of our heartache with us... isn't that why Jesus sent the Comforter. I guess there really isn't any easy answers to these types of questions.

Students Question God Part 3

There were several questions about the Bible itself:

Is the Bible actually the word of God or is it the word of man as interpretation of God?
The Bible is too long and too boring to actually read, do I have to?
Do you believe everything in the Bible?

To answer the first question, yes, the Bible is the actual word of God. All scripture is God breathed and I believe it to my core that it is the inspired, inerrant word of God. Which also kind of answers the third question, I do believe everything that is in the Bible... to a degree. Yes parts of the Bible were definitely written to a certain group of people, in a certain context, and at a certain time. Does that negate the Truth of the Bible in any way? Absolutely not! The Bible is a guide for life and I believe if it is studied you will find the answer to any question you may have.

Do you have to read the Bible? I guess not. Do I recommend reading it? More than anything else I would recommend that you read the Bible. It is meant to light the way on this rocky and dangerous path we call life. I would suggest trying out different translations until you find one that is less "boring."

Students Question God Part 2

A very bright student of mine posed this question: "Are there other philosophical examples, such as the watchmaker, backing an Anglo-Saxon God?" I chose to answer this one today because it is interesting and I am leaning more towards philosophy than theology right now.

For those of you who aren't familiar with The Watchmaker Analogy here is a quick version: The Watchmaker Analogy is a teleological argument. This argument shows the intricate design and implies a designer. We argue God from the design of nature. You can't put all of the components of a watch into a bag, shake up the bag and have a working watch. Likewise, the particles needed for our intricate design are not by chance, there is a great designer behind it. This is the analogy I use when arguing against the Big Bang Theory and evolution. My dear student wants to know if their are others like this.

Yes there are several other good analogies for the existence of a God. However, very few of them point to a Judea-Christian theistic God. Nonetheless, they are the best we have and I still use them.

1. The Unmoved Mover:  The Unmoved Mover is a concept described primarily by Aristotle. This unmoved, unchanging entity set all motion in the universe. Aristotle describes the unmoved mover as being perfectly beautiful, indivisible and contemplating only the perfect contemplations. The Unmoved Mover also answers the questions I had from other students, "If God created everything how was he here? How was God made?" God is the unmoved mover, existing outside of time, never being created, incapable of being destroyed.

2. The Cosmological Argument: This is not much of an analogy, but it is an argument for the existence of God. The word cosmological comes from the Greek word kosmos which means world. This argument for the existence of God starts with the world could not exist on its own so there must have been a first cause that brought it into being... Someone or something had to have made it. This cause of the universe must be a higher power. That higher power must be God. This argument also states that there cannot be an infinite regression of causes so things must therefore stop with the existence of God.This argument is backed with both the Watchmaker Analogy and the Unmoved Mover.

3. The Ontological Approach:  This approach could have numerous analogies but they all come down to“God is the greatest being imaginable. One of the aspects of perfection or greatness is existence. Thus, God exists.” Or put another way—“The fact that God can be conceived means that he must exist.” Anselm, a twelfth century theologian and philosopher, said this, "that which nothing greater can be conceived- that is God."I could imagine a perfect island, describe it in detail and assert that it exist because I can imagine it.

4. Moral Law: There are those who use the idea of Moral Law to prove the existence of God. Moral Law goes like this: Without God morality would be impossible. There must be a Lawgiver (God) who originates and stands by moral law. A universal code of right and wrong cannot happen accidentally. There must be a basis behind it-- God.  According to this view, every person is born with an inherent understanding of right and wrong. Everyone, for instance, understands that killing an innocent person is wrong. Everyone understands that helping a drowning person is right. Where did this internal understanding of right and wrong come from? According to adherents of the moral law argument, this understanding comes from God. He put it into the hearts of every person.

So there are four more arguments/analogies for the existence of God. However, it should be noted that most Christian theologians and philosophers believe that God never intended for his existence to be something that could be proven with 100% certainty. They point out that faith is an important component in understanding God and his existence.

Students Question God Part 1

Last week I asked a select group of students to write down questions they have for God or about God or about religion in general. I am going to take the next 10 entries or so to address their questions.

The one that came up more often than all the rest was "does God hate me?" But they were worded more like:

Does God hate me because I am gay?
Does God hate me because I doubt that Jesus is the only way?
Does God hate me and want me to go to hell for the bad decisions I have made?
Does God hate me because I smoke?
Does God hate me for being dumb?

Simply put to all of them, no, God does not hate you. God is love and God loves you simply because He created you. God does not hate anyone. There are no conditions for his love. God loves the worst sinner. God loves the most holy saint. God loves everyone in between. Anyone who states that God hates certain people does not understand the basis of Christianity in it's purest form.

However, let us not confuse love with approval of our choices. He loves us but would always want the best for us so there are things that He does not approve of us doing. Just like a parent loves a child but may not approve of him hitting another child.

Here are a couple of quotes about God as Love from C. S. Lewis that I really like:

"He [God] has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us, in the deepest, most tragic, most inexorable sense. .... Love, in its own nature, demands the perfecting of the beloved; ... mere "kindness" which tolerates anything except suffering in its object is, in that respect, at the opposite pole from Love."

"You ask for a loving God; you have one ... not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, not the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the CONSUMING FIRE HIMSELF, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes..."

"The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."


I want to close with 1 John 4

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. ² By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, ³ and every spirit that does not confess that^[a] Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

⁴ You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. ⁵ They are of the world. Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them. ⁶ We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

⁷ Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. ⁸ He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. ⁹ In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. ¹⁰ In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ¹¹ Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

¹² No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. ¹³ By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. ¹⁵ Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. ¹⁶ And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides
¹⁷ Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. ¹⁹ We love Him^[b] because He first loved us.

²⁰ If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can^[c] he love God whom he has not seen? ²¹ And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

Thankful

I am thankful for good friends.

The Church is Broken

For my last reader suggested post, I am going to address the topic that bothers me the most out of my readers suggestions. Toni Webb said this, "I have not looked way back on your blog.. But what about rejection? From pastors or leadership.. And it not handled in a Christian way? Or along those lines. My heart has been so broken the past year I cannot even face attending another church right now. And I am sure/ know this happens to so many people." 

I have written a blog specifically about rejection that can be read here. I will address rejection inside the church now... 

I have been a Senior Pastor, a Student Pastor, an Associate Pastor and on various church committees and I can say with assurance the church is broken. It is a broken system being led by broken individuals. When I left the church, I left behind a job, my calling and to some degree my faith. I was extremely wounded by the church. I thought it was a fatal wound and I never wanted to cross the threshold of another church... I didn't for about a year. But the rest of that story is for another day. 

Here is the problem with sinners (which we all are)... we sin. We are inherently selfish, manipulative, self-serving and hurtful. Even those in leadership. Does this excuse their behavior? Absolutely not!! But they are still just human. Does it make the hurt and rejection easier to bare? Not at all!! Is there a solution? Yes, but it isn't perfect either. The only solution I see for the church is growth and not in numbers. I mean growth in grace and in love and in knowledge for God and each other. We hurt people when we aren't loving God or neighbor well (or sometimes not at all). Am I talking about sanctification? Yes, I sure am. I think that the only way to solve a myriad of sin problems, including rejection and poor leadership reaction, is being made holy through the work of God not in our own strength. 

Toni is right this type of rejection happens a lot. Poor leadership/rejection by church staff is the number one sited reason for leaving the church in an article by LifeWay Bible Resources. I don't find this surprising at all, but I do find it heartbreaking and disappointing. The church is supposed to be the hands and feet of Christ to reach a lost, hurt and dying world... not inflicting more wounds on people that take up our pews. For all of us, I am sorry... the church is broken. The only way to fix it is from the inside. So, try not to lose heart.

Who is my Neighbor?

One of my Facebook requests came from Meghan Brock who asked: "How a person can disagree with someone on beliefs, politics, or even laundry detergents and yet still love that person?"

This is a tough question because I have very strong feelings about how poorly the church is doing at loving the world. I want to start my response with Luke 10:25-37 a very common story:


²⁵ On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
²⁶ “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”
²⁷ He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’^[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b]”
²⁸ “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”
²⁹ But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
³⁰ In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹ A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. ³² So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³ But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴ He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵ The next day he took out two denarii^[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
³⁶ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
³⁷ The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Are we all not like the expert in the law trying to justify ourselves? We want to know exactly what  we must do to inherit eternal life. We also want to be accepted for having given our best efforts without going above what is necessary. Samaritans were considered a half-breed race and they were hated by nearly everyone. I think that is precisely why Christ picked to use the Samaritan to be the good guy in this story. He was different, very different, and yet his love and compassion for the man who had been robbed reached beyond the differences they had. 

I think it is interesting to point out that the ones in the story that ought to have (by our standards) responded (the priest and the Levite) did nothing. Isn't that how the church acts? In our religious, self-righteous indignation we would never touch a beat, dirty man. Just like in our pious, self-serving "holiness" we would never associate with an alcoholic, drug addict, fornicator, or heaven forbid a democrat. Because after all, Jesus was a Caucasian republican that only had religiously sound friends. Oh wait, you never read that in the Bible? Me either. Christ calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves and it is abundantly clear that our neighbor may be MUCH different than we are.

Christians are constantly shooting themselves in the foot by not loving as Christ has commanded us to. We are all too often judgmental and hypocritical. The answer to how we can disagree and still love each other rests firmly on loving with the love of Christ. If I try to love people who I fundamentally disagree with in my own strength, it cannot be done. Likewise, when love is truly from Christ it looks like nothing the world can offer.

Who Would Jesus Be?

Jessi has so many good ideas, she gets two days in a row. Here are some questions that she posed: 

"What if Jesus was alive today? Where in the world do you think he would spend his time? Would he still be a carpenter, or would he have some other job? Would he be associated with any real life people that we have heard of? What would he eat?"

If Jesus were alive today most of us probably, honestly, wouldn't know, especially if it was his first coming. Even if he was coming just to hang out, most of us wouldn't know. However, if it were his triumphant return the whole world would know.

He would spend his time with people. That is how he spent his last three years on planet earth, amongst the people. He was never with the rich or powerful until the night of his betrayal. He was with the sick, the lonely, the dying, the lepers, the prostitutes... and I believe that is who he would be with now. As much as I don't like this, I think he would probably spend the majority of his time in the Middle East not in America. The Middle East was his home and I can't imagine him not going home. I have no idea what he would do for work, but it would probably be manual labor and not pay very high because that is what we know of his past. 

Now let me explore if Jesus were here in Indiana, just hanging out. Who would he be? What would he do? Who would his friends be? I think he would probably be a regular guy, perhaps a farmer. He would probably be friends with the least of those among us. He would spend time in hospitals with the sick, on the streets with drug dealers and prostitutes. He may cross the threshold of a church or two, but it would probably only be to tip a few tables over. I think He would be more than a bit confused about the things that we do in His name. Jesus would eat whatever everyone else was having, laughing around the table. He would tell stories that stretched our concepts of belief and faith. But more than anything He would just be with us because He wanted to...  no pretext, no expectations, just out of love for us. 

What if God was One of Us?

Day two of suggested topics goes to none other than my older sister, Jessi. She may have been kidding when she brought Joan Osborn to the discussion topic board, but it was a great idea; therefore, I am going to go with it.

If God had a name, what would it be
And would you call it to his face
If you were faced with him in all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints and all the prophets

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah god is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
He's trying to make his way home
Back up to heaven all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in Rome

And yeah yeah God is great yeah yeah God is good
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
Just trying to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
Except for the pope maybe in Rome

God has many names to answer Joan's first question. He is the Alpha and Omega, Yahweh, Jehovah, Counselor, Comforter, Keeper, Almighty and the list could go on.

Now what would I ask him if I was face to face with His glory? There are many questions that pop into my head, most of them begin with "Why..." But I have a sneaking suspicion that if I was face to face with my creator, none of my questions would really matter. I doubt that He looks anything like what we imagine, and I think that if anyone believer or not came face to face with him the reality of who He is would generate belief.

God in flesh, Jesus our Emmanuel, did not look like anyone thought God should and definitely not how the Messiah should. He came from a place where people wondered if anything good could come from (see John 1:26). Jesus hung out with the unwanted people of society: tax collectors, prostitutes and even the occasional Samaritan. The majority of the people in his time wouldn't have given him much of a second look honestly. He was a slob and he was mixed in with the wrong crowd. But doesn't it speak volumes to the worth of all people that Christ chose to be with the outcast?

We were created in the image of God, so I imagine that He is more like one of us than we care to think. Weird thoughts for the day...

The Power of Touch

I asked for blog suggestions last week and Katie suggested "the power of a hug." Well, as you can see I have broadened it a bit to just touch in general. I can think of some very meaningful moments of touch just in the past few days... Kathryn touching my hand on Thursday. Shawn's hug on Saturday. The prayer warriors surrounding me Sunday and laying hands on me. Touch is a powerful thing.

Touch can heal. If we look at the life and ministry of Jesus, we can clearly see that touch was important to him and almost necessary to the healing process.

Jesus touched the following people:

A man with leprosy in a city in Galilee- Matthew 8:2-3
Peter’s mother in law in Capernaum- Mark 1:30-31
Many people in a crowd in Capernaum- Luke 4:40
A 12 year old girl in Capernaum- Luke 8:54055
Two blind men in Capernaum- Matthew 9:29
A few people in Nazareth- Mark 6:4-6
A man who was deaf and could hardly talk in the Decapolis- Mark 7:32-35
A blind man just outside Bethsaida- Mark 8:22-25
A blind man in Jerusalem- John 9:1, 6-7
In a synagogue, a woman who could not stand straight- Luke 13:11-13
Two blind men near Jericho- Matthew 20:30-34
A servant of the high priest whose ear Peter had cut off in the garden of Gethsemane- Luke 22:50-51

There are also two cases where touch occurred very close to the time of the healing:

Raising the young son of a widow- Luke 7:14-15
Healing a young boy- Mark 9:25-27

And finally the reverse: people who touched Jesus or his clothes to be healed:

A woman with the issue of blood- Matthew 9:20-22
Crowds in various towns- Mark 6:54-56

I think it is more than evident that touch is powerful. Touch is multifaceted to say the least. Touch can bring healing like we have already seen. Touch can be cleansing... think of a mother and a child. How many times a day do noses get wiped, hands get washed, faces cleaned off? Touch can be quieting. In the  midst of a meltdown a hug can quiet the sobs of a heartbroken individual. Touch can be illuminating. It can show care and compassion. Touch can be reassuring, or freeing. I guess I shouldn't be so against hugs after all.

Fear or Fear Not

I have been having a conversation for the past 30 hours with someone. One of the topics of the conversation has been fear. She gave me this little acronym, which is probably the smartest thing I have ever heard...

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

We fear things out of our perception of what we think is happening. We have all heard the statement, "You aren't afraid of the dark, but what may be in it." Well, I don't know if that is necessarily true or not. One could theoretically be afraid of the dark... rabbit trail sorry. We say we are afraid of the dark because it makes more sense than saying we are afraid of what may be in the dark. Dark is evidence of something to fear, false evidence. Darkness is a natural part of the day and is in itself inherently not scary. But the false evidence of things lurking in the dark makes the darkness seem scary. I am not doing a good job explaining this...

I will risk embarrassment and rejection and make this a bit more concrete. Our conversation at the point of fear was about failure. I fear failure and quite honestly really feel like a failure today. The evidence was that I had failed at one thing in one way today. The evidence for my feeling like a failure was miniscule in reality but felt HUGE to me. Therefore it was false to the person I was conversing with but very real to me. Fear was over taking me. Since I already feared my being a failure I saw no reason to try to do anything else right... not a good plan. Fear causes us to do some things that aren't so great.

I have been thinking more about this fear thing today and how false evidence plays into it. But where there are things that are false there is also something true. You know what the problem with having degrees in religious stuff is? Sometimes you can't help your brain taking you to a Biblical principle, even when that is the LAST thing you want. The Bible says "Do not fear" or "Do not be afraid" 365 times... one for every day of the year. Coincidence? I think not, because false evidence is everywhere and fear is something we all struggle with.

Do these realization make me feel like less of a failure? No, not right now. Intellectually, I can see the syllogism and how it should play out. But my heart, oh my heart, is a mess.

Anger, Fear, Forgiveness

Now you may have read the title and though "What do anger, fear and forgiveness have in common?" A year ago I probably would have answered "Not much!" Even two months ago I would have said it was a stretch. The Women's Retreat showed that there was definitely a correlation. Yesterday I met with Kathryn and the correlation went from abstract to concrete in less than three hours.

Hurt causes anger and fear. Or fear and anger, depending on the hurt that was inflicted. Unfortunately, the only way to rid  yourself of the anger and the fear is through forgiveness. Let me be clear on this: I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.... YET. I am not here to make anyone feel guilty about unforgiveness, anger or fear. I am here to say simply I have started a new part of the journey to freedom and at the root of this level is forgiveness.

Thursday's Post

Okay, this is really Thursday's post but I am writing it at 10:41 Wednesday night... sorry tomorrow just has too much in it to be able to write a blog.

This evening I was on Facebook and there was a picture of my (very adorable) nephew. His 10 months on earth have taught me more about the love of God and unconditional love than anything else in the world. He got his first big boy hair cut today and he looks like a little boy instead of a baby... Words cannot describe the love I have for him or how grateful I am to have him in my life. Who knew that someone so small could change life so much? It does bring me some sadness to think that this little man is so well loved by so many people and there are children in the world who long for even one person to love them...

The bottom line is Bennett came into this world at the right moment in my life and I feel extraordinarily blessed to be that little guy's aunt. 

Psalms

I am not an overt fan of the book of Psalms. However, in college I took an Old Testament Elective just on Psalms. Last night Lindsey gave me back the Bible that I had used for that class. Some of the notes I made in the margin were pretty interesting facts about when and where that particular Psalm was written. But it wasn't those notes that were the most intriguing. It was what verses I had underlined and the personal notes in the margins that I had made. Seven years later I could see God's faithfulness to my calling very clearly. I could also so answers to prayers and healing where I was hurt. What an interesting walk down memory lane. Thankful for the reminder in Psalm 136, that his love indeed does endure forever.

No One Can Move the Stone

I have been thinking a lot about Shawn's Easter Sermon. When the women headed towards the tomb the question was raised: who will move the stone?

No one could move it because it was too large.
No one could move it because it was against the law.
And no one could move the stone because it was guarded.

Aren't there things in life that we cannot remove because they are too large? Aren't there things that we hold to the letter of the law instead of the spirit of the law? Isn't the enemy keeping us from some things guarding them?

This message was tough for me. I see the immovable stones in my life very clearly. I hear Shawn's words echo through my heart, "God is experienced at moving stones and He has a plan."

Still pondering

I am contemplating yesterday's Easter message... I will do a real blog tomorrow. Hope everyone has a great Monday!