400

This is my 400th post. 400 times I have sat behind my computer and talked about God, the world, my struggles, my successes, the church calendar, holiness, surgeries, anger, anxiety, and everything in between. 400 times I have shared a piece of who I am. Today is no different, except I am acknowledging the fact that I have now done this 400 times!

Do you ever just feel really crappy? Like not physically, but down in the who you are part of your heart. When you see just how much you still need to work on and you just feel flat out unlovable.  Looking at our own junk is rough and some would say unhelpful. However, if we do not regularly do some serious self-examination, how do we  know how to improve? We need to have good people in our corner when we are face to face with our own feelings of inadequacy.

I know I have talked about accountability before, but this is beyond just keeping a person from falling back into old patterns of sin. This is someone cheering you through the rough patches. They are there to give you practical help and advice when all you can see is darkness. They keep shining so the darkness doesn't consume the progress that has been made.

Ok. That was pretty rambley and weird and not much of a 400th post. But to be honest, I don't feel like doing a happy 400th post. I don't feel like doing much of anything. I am focused on the list of practical things Cindy gave me to help me through this weird patch.

General Journey of Life

First of all let me give credit where credit is due; today's title is brought to you by Pastor Cindy. She said that in a sentence Wednesday night and I loved it and told her I was going to take it.

So what would you like to have known or been told at the beginning of your general journey of life towards the heart of Christ? I have a few things that in retrospect would have been nice to hear at the beginning:

1. Coming to Christ does not fix things.
2. If you are on the right road, you will lose some friends.
3. Piety and the disciplines may assuage your guilt but it won't stop the conviction of the Holy Spirit. 
4. Giving of your time, talents, gifts, prayers and service is necessary.
5. You should join a small group, like yesterday. 
6. Talk one-on-one to people for accountability.
7. Don't skip study time, no matter what the excuse is. 

So those are just a few. What would have made your journey easier? What would you tell a new believer today if you had the chance? 

God is BIG

God's perfection and holiness, by definition, assures us that our words cannot contain him. We worship the God that cannot be exaggerated or exhausted by mere words. There will never be a time when we have explained everything there is to know about him. Never a moment will arrive when we will be able to give him all the worship due him. 

This is blowing my mind today. 

• God's omniscience makes our ability to know anything like an ant's intelligence compared to ours.
• God's omnipotence makes our power look like a flickering candle next to the sun.
• His love makes our love look weak.
• God's infinite being makes our finite selves look like a blink in the span of eternity.  

Why are we content to put God in numerous boxes? Why don't we let the God of the universe continually blow us away with his magnitude? 

The Struggle is Real

So, life is hard. Okay. That is a fact that we all already know. But here are three scripture lessons that may bring some slight comfort.

"If the world hates you, remember it hated me before it hated you." -John 15:18

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that you may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10

"In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart: I have overcome the world." John 16:33

So yesterday and today haven't been the best. I have cried (at work). I have cursed. Been frustrated beyond belief. Felt betrayed... basically every negative emotion has somehow presented itself in my life over the past 32 hours.

I was reminded at the beginning of this struggle that I have said yes to some difficult things for me to say yes to. More importantly I have said no to some things that I would rather say yes to and the enemy does not like these things. He does not want me serving the Lord. He does not want me making progress. His only job is to kill, steal, and destroy and he has had thousands of years to practice.

While this has been a hard couple of days, I can still take heart because Christ has overcome every hard moment. But the struggle is real.

Transforming God

This morning on the way to work (as I drove EXTREMELY slow due to snow) I had plenty of time to think about life.

First I noticed how snow can transform everything in its path, including my commute to work. If a little bit of frozen water can transform so much, how much more can an omnipotent God?

Think of where you were when you first found God. Now, think of where you are today. I hope that these are vastly different experiences. I know for me it is. The transformation that comes about through the power of the Holy Spirit working in our heart, mind and life should be evident to the world.

God longs to make us his, not just in salvation, but in word, action and thought as well. God will not, however, force us to change. You and I must agree and comply with the process. I am not saying that God cannot transform us against our will; I am saying he will not. We are God's workmanship created for a unique purpose, but if we miss it, it is on us. We must surrender each moment of each day to the power and work of Christ in our lives and let the Holy Spirit mold us into the person God saw from the beginning of time. Will we surrender?

Holiness: Part 5- Obedience is Hard

A considerable part of our sanctification and holiness is completely dependent on us. Will we choose to be obedient? God calls us each to things that we would probably rather not be obedient to. For some it is a financial commitment that stretches them. For others it could be asking them to share a private part of their heart with a group of strangers. No two people are called to make the same exact sacrifices in their walks with Christ. The question still stands, will you (will I) say yes when God asks us to be obedient to something we don't want to do?

You may be wondering why this is a big deal. One, and I do not want to overstate this but, Jesus was obedient to the cross; it is now our duty to be obedient in response to that sacrifice. Two, it grows our faith to step out in obedience when it is hard. Three, there is the hope of a future blessing in or obedience. Four, plain and simple we should love God enough to want to be obedient even when it is very hard. He loved us; the least we can do is love him enough to say yes. Five, obedience is a powerful witness to young believers, weak believers and non-believers. Six, and finally, to keep eternity at the forefront of our thoughts, actions, words, and priorities.

Is it fun? Not typically. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Hurt by Hurt

Unfortunately, for me, sometimes God asks me to share things that I don't necessarily feel ready to share. I recently came across the song "Hurt by Hurt" sung by Sonya Isaacs:

Nobody saw it; nobody noticed

Just how it started

Wounds that were silent

Wordless and cruel tore me apart

Nobody saw how I died

How I died inch by inch on the inside

Hurt by hurt the painful memories waited in line

Hurt by hurt I built a wall one hurt at a time

Gentle as raindrops

Welcome as morning after the darkness

Without warning love broke right through

Invading my heart you walked hurt by hurt

Through my past and melted the barriers at last

Hurt by hurt the painful memories waited in line

Hurt by hurt you healed them all one hurt at a time

I praise your name

So glad you came

Oh, Jesus what would I be without you

You healed hurt by hurt

Hurt by hurt the painful memories waited in line

Hurt by hurt you healed them all one hurt at a time

Hurt by hurt, Lord, please heal them one hurt at a time

This song reaches a part of me I would rather not know is there, let alone discuss with you. I spent many years building walls around the very essence of who I am. Each brick of these walls was a hurt. And hurt by hurt I had a pretty sweet fortress. At one point I even made a physical representation of this hurt and these walls. 

As you can see, I even built myself an inner fortress of solitude, and completed the overall "stay out of my life" look with ninjas, a dragon, some alligators and a moat. You could say that I was fairly comfortable with my self-imposed prison of hurt bricks. Several years ago, the castle started to crumble at the work of the Holy Spirit. It has been hard and scary and it is still a process. I have to remind myself not to let minor things and even some major things reconstruct walls that have been eliminated. Some of my painful memories are still waiting in line to be healed one hurt at a time. However, I am sure that the One who began this good work in me will be faithful to see it to its completion. 

Here is 2016

Well, 2016 kind of sneaked up on me. But here we are! Already four days into it!! My last post was about my goals for this year and so far we are still on that trajectory. But after yesterday's sermon I think I should add a few. Nothing like over-committing at beginning of the year.

Yesterday's sermon title was "Offering Our Gifts." We all have something to give even if we don't think we do. Cindy challenged us to give these five things:

1. Willingness- Are you willing to sacrifice? Take a chance? Make a change?
2. Questions- Give God the questions of the journey.
3. Perseverance- Are you willing to go through the hard parts without quitting?
4. Worship- Give God your heart all day every day.
5. What you have- Simply offer what we have to God as we have it.

Some of these are way easier than others. I have one million questions and I ask them constantly. Willingness I am working on. Someone once told me that if you trust the leadership you are under in the church (which I do) you should be willing to do whatever they would think is good for you to do. So I am working on that... Perseverance is hard; I like to quit when things get difficult and then come back to them later or not. Worship is easy on some levels and extremely difficult on others. I don't feel like expounding on that right now, perhaps in a future post. Giving God what I have seems like an odd concept to me mostly. Because what else would I give him. But when I think about it more, I realize the depth of it is to truly give him all of what I have. Let Him have access to my stuff, my time, my heart, my journey, my money, my all.