Isaiah 61

I have been thinking last night and this morning about the words of the prophet Isaiah. In chapter 61 he is talking about the Messiah when he says:

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners, 
 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor."

I feel awfully broken. I feel, very distinctly, the chains of my captivity in the form of pain from the past. I feel shrouded in darkness. I mourn not only what has happened but the person that I am because of those events. I mourn the fact that I am skeptical of people and that I guard my heart too much. I grieve the things that I lost because of other people's decisions and my own sin. I mourn over the churches I have left in worse shape than they were given to me. I grieve the person that I could have become had life been different. 

I am ready for beauty instead of ashes. I would love joy instead of sadness. I want a garment of praise instead of one of despair and depression. I want to be an oak of righteousness. I see all too clearly my own inadequacy and failure. I want to be set free. The only way to be free is to trust the Healer... to trust that He can and will set me free. That He will redeem the pain of the past; that he wants to make me whole. I wish it was easy and that there was a laid out plan for me to follow; however, this journey takes time and it sometimes is rocky.