I have struggled with this blog and quite frankly you are still getting it in its rough-draft form. I cannot seem to clean it up enough for me to think that is is "good" writing. So, here it is as a mess...
Mental health problems carry an extreme stigma even now as more and more people speak out about them. In the past, I have fought depression that was paired with negative self-harm behaviors. I am currently in a time of anxiety. Anxiety is the other side of the depression coin. I do not feel depressed at all; I feel like my thoughts are racing, my heart is pounding and that there is no way I can possibly get everything done that needs to be done. It feels like overwhelming fears are pressing on to every nerve on my body... fears of things that are so improbably that I don't even know how they popped into my head to begin with.
However, grace is available even in the midst of total crazy meltdowns. Grace is abundantly provided to me in my hardest moments. And sometimes it comes in ways that honestly piss me off and yet it is still grace. Undeserved, unmerited favor of God coming to me through encouraging words (that in the moment I hate, but come back to that calm my heart and fears), a song that comes on when I need to hear it, hot coffee made by someone else, the chapter of my book being about the inner struggle of the flesh and the Holy Spirit, a Gaither show on PBS, watching the sunrise as I drive to work and many other small things. Grace does not just take place inside the walls of a sanctuary. Grace shows up all over just because God's love towards us.
Whatever your struggle is today and as I continue to get the anxiety monkey off my back and out of my stomach, I pray that we all look for moments of grace being poured out for us.
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