Sticks and Stones

As a child, I repeated the phrase "sticks and stones may brake my bones but words will never hurt me" hundreds of times. What a lie! Words hurt. Even when they are true they can sting... "your white blood cell count is still too high." It is true, but my heart sinks every time I hear something like that. Words hurt even  worse when they are coming out of a place of someone's pain, but pointed at me. These are often not completely true statements, but have enough truth in them to really jab me right in the heart, "you are such a disappointment." That hurts for obvious reasons.

Then there are times that someone says something nice (really nice) and it hurts too, "no, really how are you?" "It is my job to care about you." "I love you..." Why do these hurt? Partially, because I do not feel like I deserve to be known, cared about or loved. And partially because I know how incapable I am of reciprocity right now. I am a bad friend right now. I am completely self-absorbed and typically don't feel very well. Some people (mostly the person who says these things *cough, cough Dawn* and my therapist) believe that the pain of these words is the pain of my heart repairing and mending.

James tells us that the tongue is like a small spark that can set the whole life on fire. I agree with that but would add that it has the power to burn someone else, too. Words have the ability to tear down or build up. Paul encourages us to use our words to edify and impart grace, but all too often (and I am guilty) we use words to impart knowledge without grace and just be plain rude. There is so much power in words. What am I using that power for? A word well placed can soothe anger, it can create good will, and it can provide comfort.  A careless word can cause much destruction. 

Yesterday, I was accused of making some disparaging comments. I said nothing that was untrue and I held back a lot of my opinion. However, those words may not have been in good taste. I do not apologize for saying them. I most certainly do not apologize for believing them. I do apologize that once again I have been taken out of context and my words were offensive to some people. I will not say what was said to me in response, but I believe that their are individuals who want to use their words to harm me further. To them all I want to know is why. Why am I a threat to you? Why do you seek to destroy me? Why can't you get over the fact that I am not a part of you anymore?